wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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