I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
