i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
