if you like me you must not know who I am
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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