I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
