Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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