I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
