summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
