I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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