Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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