I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
