I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
