I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
