bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
