it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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