grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
