I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
