They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
