Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Pants are for mortals
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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