she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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