my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
