Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry about my life...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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