and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
