He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
