I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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