His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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