I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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