there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
