I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
