did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
