my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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