These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
