This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
