so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
