drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
