cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
