Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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