I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
