that's an acceptable place to lick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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