You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
