Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
