marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
