I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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