i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
