Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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