$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
