id be glad to
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
