I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
