erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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