These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
