His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
