im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
